Frank Schaeffer, a blogger whose work I admire on the Huffington Post, recently shared an article from the New York Times on Facebook entitled, Diagnosis: Human, by Ted Gup published on April 2, 2013. Here is the link: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/03/opinion/diagnosis-human.html?_r=0. The article talks about the tendency of psychiatrists to prescribe pills too readily for conditions which might be as easily and more effectively being treated through talking therapy, something my husband, a clinical psychologist, is far more qualified to speak to than I am. But as someone who deeply cares about human flourishing from the perspective of a feminist moral philosopher and as someone who has campaigned for peoples’ human rights, this article deeply touches something for me about what it means to be human.
Having abruptly lost my mother just over a year ago to pancreatic cancer, I can relate. When visiting my GP shortly after Mom died, the trainee doctor suggested anti-depressants to treat my various symptoms when all I was really suffering from were the classic symptoms of grief. What I needed was enough time and space to grieve and friends with whom to process the grief. Grief is such a funny thing and it seems odd to mention grief in the same sentence and blog as flourishing. Time may or may not heal all wounds, and suffice to say a day doesn’t go by without me remembering my mother and missing her. But, it is fair to say grief is part of the human condition and that given enough time, it is possible to remember a loved one with more fondness and happiness than pain. I love and treasure the memories I have of my mother and my aim now is to honor her memory by living life to the fullest and by respecting and following the values she instilled in me. Of course that doesn’t mean I am anti-drugs for depression when it is needed—every person is unique and what is needed is wisdom to distinguish that one-sized solutions do not fit all.
It is possible, but by no means easy, to flourish in the midst of suffering. Take my most recent research on people engaged in peacebuilding in the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. I interviewed Israelis and Palestinians, men and women, Christians, Jews, Muslims, atheists and agnostics, all engaged in some form of peacebuilding activity. What almost every person I interviewed had in common irrespective of their religious affiliation, was hope for the future and a commitment to creating a better future despite losses and suffering on both sides. For example one Palestinian woman, born in a refugee camp and who had spent her entire life there, told me that despite the suffering and losses she endured and continued to experience, “Life is beautiful. And I intend to live.”
What many of them had learned, some demonstrably more than others, was a way to process their grief over the loss of family members and property and move beyond the losses in order to work towards a better future for themselves and their children as well as for those on the other side of the conflict. These losses were real and processing grief did not mean forgetting what they lost. Rather, it meant not being defined by their losses, i.e. being defined forever as victims of an intractable conflict. It meant committing to making sure their suffering was not in vain by working towards creating a different and better future for all.
Of course the situation in the Israel/Palestine conflict is incredibly complex and peace is elusive, but I can’t help but think that if some of these people can find hope in the midst of suffering and flourish in spite of it all, then it is possible. Grief is not something to avoid or to medicate, but something to grasp firmly and to process over time. It transcends religions and cultures. It is part of the human condition and contributes to what it means to flourish as a human being.
What do you think?